


fuck the pain away

by xnowimnothing



Category: Tim Sköld (Musician)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dubious Consent, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Health Issues, Rage, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-12
Updated: 2019-11-12
Packaged: 2021-01-29 12:44:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21410389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xnowimnothing/pseuds/xnowimnothing
Summary: you're in one of your moods. can sex cure your insecurities?
Relationships: Tim Sköld/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 10





	fuck the pain away

**Author's Note:**

> hi i'm giulia i have borderline personality disorder and i cope with things by writing about them   
this wasn't even meant for posting. i was writing it for me but then i was like why the fuck am i even writing in english if i'm not posting it? anyways. i doubt this is what the fandom enjoys. if you're looking for the dirty porn i usually write i'm sorry but this is not it

It’s late at night and you can’t sleep. 

Your chest is tight and even though you’re trying to be silent, tears fall down your lashes, wetting your cheeks and your pillow. 

You don’t sob. You don’t want Tim to hear. 

But your restlessness doesn’t go unnoticed. You can tell the exact moment Tim sits up, slowly, even with your back turned at him. 

Fuck. You don’t really want to go through this. 

“Baby,” he whispers, his hand tender on your shoulder. “You okay?” 

You don’t answer. The silence weighs down on you, but you can’t bring yourself to speak. 

You don’t want to drag Tim down with you. 

He snuggles up to you from behind, holding you tight, and his breath is warm on your neck. You know you should relax in his embrace, but you can’t, it’s like every muscle in your body is alert. He notices. He kisses your cheek. You don’t move. You don’t respond in any way. 

Your voice trembles and breaks when you finally speak. 

“Why are you even here?” 

You regret it as soon as the words leave your mouth. There’s no turning back now. The same old story both you and Tim know so well has been activated and you really, really weren’t looking forward to it. 

He sighs. 

“Baby -” 

“No!” you break free from his grip and sit up, looking at him through glassy eyes. “You’re gonna dump me. You’re gonna find a woman better than me and you’re gonna dump me. Someone with bigger boobs, less body hair, prettier eyes, healthier and shinier hair, just more beautiful in general. You’re gonna find her and you’re gonna dump me. You’re gonna dump me and guess what, you’re gonna be right. I won’t blame you. I won’t blame you because fuck, I would dump me too. I’m fucking disgusting. Why are you here? Is it to make fun of me? To humiliate me?” 

He stares at you with big eyes, a hint of fear in his blue irises. 

You get off of the bed and rush to the bathroom, closing the door shut behind you. 

You’re sobbing loudly now, nothing holding you back anymore. You glance at yourself in the mirror, the eyeliner from yesterday poorly removed in the evening smeared all over your cheeks, lips quivering, eyes puffy and hair all messy, and you were so right, you truly are disgusting. You’re so disgusting it makes your blood boil in your veins. You’re so disgusting it makes your heart or whatever it is you have in your chest blow up with fucking fury. 

You punch the mirror and you barely notice the cold surface meet the hot skin of your knuckles, because in a second the mirror is shattered; shiny, polished fragments reflect your ugly face in multiple tiny pieces on the floor, and somehow you hate it even more. You grab one of the fragments and sit down on the cold tiles. You hold the piece in your hand, hold it tight, hoping the sharp edges can draw blood. You don’t do anything. You just keep crying, sobbing uncontrollably. 

You don’t know when Tim entered the bathroom. You only notice him when he sits down right beside you, among the little pieces of glass. You push him away when he tries to touch you, feeling embarrassed about even being alive. 

You can tell he’s afraid to speak. 

“Baby,” he says softly, his hand subtly sneaking to yours to try and take the piece of mirror from you. You don’t let go of it. 

“Baby. I’m here. I want  _ you _ . I’m here because I love  _ you _ . I’m not gonna leave you for another girl.” 

“How can you love me?” you spit out. “You can’t. No one can. I’m unlovable.” 

“Why would I stay with you then?” 

“You either pity me. Or I’m an easy fuck.” 

Those thoughts you know so well start wandering through your mind before Tim answers and when he does, you don’t even hear him. You don’t know what he’s saying, you’re not listening. It’s like what you said clicked a switch in your head. You know how it works. 

You know what to do. 

You let go of the piece of glass, dropping it on the floor with the rest, and you move to sit on Tim’s lap, hands on his shoulders, stare fixated on his eyes. He reflectively grabs your hips. 

“Why don’t you fuck me?” you say, voice firm. 

“Baby,” Tim says for the upteenth time. “Baby don’t -” 

You kiss him and your hand travels down to his crotch, palming and groping his cock through his clothes, moaning in his mouth. He tries to pull away and you insist. 

“You can do anything you want with me,” you say. “Fuck me senseless. Destroy my holes. Use me. Hurt me. I know you like it.” 

Tim closes his eyes then looks away. His body tightens underneath you and you see his jaw clench. 

“Show me off. Share me. Wouldn’t you love to see your friends fuck me? Imagine them run a train on me. Wouldn’t it be hot as fuck?” 

“We really need to talk about all this,” he eventually manages to say, voice low. “About the way you try to use sex to feel worthy of me. I see what you’re trying to do.” 

You avoid his gaze as you crawl off of him. You pull him out of his pants and start working him, entirely ignoring what he has to say. You bring your lips close to his dick, spit on it, and you grin when you notice it’s getting hard. 

“Oh, Tim, I love your cock so much,” you say, overly excited. “I want you so much. You’re so fucking huge,” and with that you take the tip in your mouth, hoping it will shut him up, hoping it will make him give up and fucking allow you to make him come already. 

You think you finally have it under control when Tim’s hand touches the back of your neck, but he’s not pushing on your head to take him deeper, as he usually does, instead he’s trying to pull you away. As gentle as he is, the knot in your throat tightens again. 

You sit back up and look at him, your eyes glassy just like before. 

“Stop this. You don’t need it,” he says softly, reaching his hand to tuck your hair behind your ear. You burst into tears again, and this time, when he hugs you, you don’t fight it. You lean into his embrace and sniffle on his chest, hand next to your face on his pectorals. 

“It’s okay,” he whispers. “I love you.” 

You close your eyes and breathe in his scent for a while. 

“I’m sorry I’m such a mess,” you say against his chest, to his heart. “I’m sorry I’m always causing drama.” 

“Shh,” he says quietly, holding you tighter. “I’m right here. It’s gonna be fine.” 

**Author's Note:**

> title from the song "sinematic" by miw


End file.
